Tagged: Apps

Should I patent this?

I have little sympathy for people who make status updates about how they can’t sleep. If you suffer a bout of insomnia, telling your Facebook community about it isn’t going to help you drift off any quicker.

There needs to be an iPhone app for this niche demographic of socially-conscious, sleep-deprived individuals. Sensing movement and sound patterns, the phone detects when the Facebook user is or isn’t conscious during normal hours to be asleep. The smartphone then automatically issues a status update for the online world to see, without the user having to lift a finger (or, in this case, an eyelid).



It’s actually astounding how much written reminders are conducive to getting my work done. Who would have thought I’d need an ever-present piece of paper informing me of what needs doing at that very moment in time (my mum probably knew this was necessary, actually).

Though in this age of messy bedrooms we (or maybe just I and a select few) find ourselves in, paper will not suffice in getting the job done. Enter iSticky, a simple Mac application I found when I entered something like ‘sticky notes Mac download’ in Google. It’s my second day of trialling the program and I really am getting stuff done that I probably wouldn’t expect to finish so in advance of deadlines had the app never been developed.

So in conclusion, if you’re suffering a chronic bout of procrastination for as long as I have, get onto iSticky or your PC equivalent, your sanity and uni tutors will love you for it.

iPoo: First Impressions

Just finished my first iPoo session and I’ve gotta say, I’m quite disappointed overall.

Every promising feature had a major fallacy. Firstly, I’m a stickler for stats and iPoo records a bunch of them. Every time you open the app, it counts a +1 toward having sat on the loo. Lies. What if a friend opened the app while I ducked off somewhere and they ruined my seamless 8,347 loo sits with a false number? iPoo admin did not think that through.

I was eager to start posting, so I sent a message out… to nowhere. As of right now, there’s no record of the post I did and the writing I contributed to the virtual cubicle door. I’d check back every once in a while to see if it takes a while to refresh but no, iPoo would produce false stats about loo visits.

I feel iPoo has the potential to be the app that changes the world; its creator could well become the next ‘Time Magazine Person of the Year’. But there are some serious things that need fixing. Get your shit together, iPoo.

The App That Changed Everything (the most important thing you’ll read all day).

Oh my sweet mother of Charizard.

I’ve found it: the app that could spell the end of Potty Mouth. IntroDEUCING iPoo:


I’ve found my brethren, my peers no longer content to sit on the loo as the minutes waste away. I feel like Dexter when he found Miguel Prado, or Jon Snow when he found his direwolf. These men had no friends and I too was alone in my cubicle.

Until now.

iPoo tells you how many people are currently “pooing”, the locations of said pooers and you can communicate with fellow fecal friends much as you would via Twitter.

Is this it? Is Potty Mouth about to fade into the recesses of iPoo’s shadow? Or is this just further incentive to keep Potty Mouth alive – a beacon of hope for iPoo users the world over who look for something to believe in?

Twittering Twat

Ugh. So I have to make and use a Twitter account for uni this semester. Heaven forbid I must hashtag to pass the course.

Here’s my angle: I don’t want to make another one of those Twitter accounts where I give running commentaries of every less-than-mundane event to occur in my everyday life (for example: “Just ate a mandarin and swallowed a seed. #givememyGMfruit). Not only is the example I’ve offered beyond lame, no one gives a dugong as to what I’ve been doing whilst meandering around the home.

So I must adopt a false yet funny identity and am open to suggestions. PigeonJon is a great example of a Twitter personality I can aspire to resemble in content for the following reasons:

• He doesn’t use hashtags.

• He offers something one cannot find elsewhere (specifically: the thoughts and feelings of a pigeon).

These seem a good set of guidelines to get my Twitter alias going. Now it’s up to YOU to leave a comment on this post, detailing your idea for my profile!!

WordPress Fail

I just tried to upload a post but WordPress has pulled an absolute derper and now that post is stuck in cyber limbo. Don’t know if it’s coming back, but basically I just ranted about the Melbourne Demons; wondering when the coaches and players are going to pull their heads in and start showing they have a love for the club as much as I do. Nothing too important but WordPress is still a Derp Central.

Hard Drive Hardship

The first thing I’m going to do if and when I am able to retrieve data from my damaged hard drive is BACK THAT SHIT UP. What a difference a few minutes of dragging all my important files onto a K drive or Dropbox would have done. I’d be happily cutting together an infinite amount of Two Jay episodes as we speak (I could right now but alas: the template for the opening credits sequence is lost in the hard drive and I seriously cbf trying to replicate the sequence. Just gotta hope it survived the damage…).

If you’re reading this, heed my words: back up your data right now – you’ll lose it when you least expect it.