Category: Annoying Times

No Loops for You

We need genetically modified tomatoes.

It hasn’t happened lately, but there have been countless times where the seeds in sundried tomatoes have burnt my mouth because of their preposterously high temperature when toasted in a sammich. It’s only a matter of time before I peel off the roof of my mouth again.

Froot Loops are a piece of work too. Did anyone used to get that bit at the front of the mouth roof swollen from all the sugar in that cereal? That probably didn’t make sense but I’m sticking by it.

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SBS (Sore Brain Syndrome)

I haven’t achieved nearly as much as I’d have liked to do today. My brain just can’t focus on any one thing for too long at the moment. Hopefully thats all going to change for the next few hours. I’m going to sit down at my desk, drink my V8 Juice and bash the best darn documentary treatment that ever existed. Yep.

iPoo: First Impressions

Just finished my first iPoo session and I’ve gotta say, I’m quite disappointed overall.

Every promising feature had a major fallacy. Firstly, I’m a stickler for stats and iPoo records a bunch of them. Every time you open the app, it counts a +1 toward having sat on the loo. Lies. What if a friend opened the app while I ducked off somewhere and they ruined my seamless 8,347 loo sits with a false number? iPoo admin did not think that through.

I was eager to start posting, so I sent a message out… to nowhere. As of right now, there’s no record of the post I did and the writing I contributed to the virtual cubicle door. I’d check back every once in a while to see if it takes a while to refresh but no, iPoo would produce false stats about loo visits.

I feel iPoo has the potential to be the app that changes the world; its creator could well become the next ‘Time Magazine Person of the Year’. But there are some serious things that need fixing. Get your shit together, iPoo.

Twittering Twat

Ugh. So I have to make and use a Twitter account for uni this semester. Heaven forbid I must hashtag to pass the course.

Here’s my angle: I don’t want to make another one of those Twitter accounts where I give running commentaries of every less-than-mundane event to occur in my everyday life (for example: “Just ate a mandarin and swallowed a seed. #givememyGMfruit). Not only is the example I’ve offered beyond lame, no one gives a dugong as to what I’ve been doing whilst meandering around the home.

So I must adopt a false yet funny identity and am open to suggestions. PigeonJon is a great example of a Twitter personality I can aspire to resemble in content for the following reasons:

• He doesn’t use hashtags.

• He offers something one cannot find elsewhere (specifically: the thoughts and feelings of a pigeon).

These seem a good set of guidelines to get my Twitter alias going. Now it’s up to YOU to leave a comment on this post, detailing your idea for my profile!!

Reading Rookie

I don’t read enough. That’s got a bit to do with how busy I am and how short my attention span is when reading (which consequently makes me read slowly and for brief periods of time). Reading one of Robert Jordan’s Wheel of Time novels, for instance, can prove very tedious because I’ll have just read an important page detailing how Moiraine has some sort of special spell called balefire that will save her and her companions but alas: for the last five paragraphs, I’ve been thinking about a delightful ham, cheese, pineapple and sun-dried tomato sandwich I made for lunch. Having taken in nothing of the last page, I’m forced to read the entire passage again or just simply give up on reading for the time being.

In any case, I’m reading a fantastic Emma Donoghue novel at the moment called Room (one critic believes the book is best read in one sitting but, in classic form, I’m two thirds of the way through after at least ten sittings). It is written very intelligently from the first-person perspective of a five year old boy who has lived a very sheltered life since his birth. I won’t spoil it any more than that but definitely give it a read – ’tis a thoroughly different experience to one had from many other novels.

WordPress Fail

I just tried to upload a post but WordPress has pulled an absolute derper and now that post is stuck in cyber limbo. Don’t know if it’s coming back, but basically I just ranted about the Melbourne Demons; wondering when the coaches and players are going to pull their heads in and start showing they have a love for the club as much as I do. Nothing too important but WordPress is still a Derp Central.

The Moment I Knew Maroon 5 had Lost the Plot…

… was when I watched the videoclip to their latest song, ‘Payphone’, about an hour ago. The clip’s story makes little to no sense and Adam Levine isn’t very convincing as banker-turned-badass outlaw (in a turn of events that seem so unnecessarily unfeasible). Equally unusual is that several innocent policemen can be presumed dead as a result of Adam’s antics on the road (at least this is what I infer from the “climax” of a highly uncalled-for car chase). To top off a big day, Adam gets out of his car and nonchalantly walks away seconds before it explodes with him still clearly in a blast radius.

“Out there” videoclips can be spectacular, but what a load of crap.